Zero Hour
by Dat Bair Guy
Summary: Louise "the Zero" de La Vallière is just that. A Zero. With little to no success, the springtime summoning ritual is her final chance to show her true innate power. Little does she know that here new familiar, despite being a human, and a commoner at that, has a deeper past than apparent at first, and has untapped powers that may just preserve Halkegenia itself. T for Language.
1. Second Chance

_Hello,_

_I am Dat Bair Guy, or BairSaysHi, or merely Bair. As I said in the past, on my only other story, which will take priority over this one, I will not have much time to write, nor will this be a very good story, seeing as I'm only in high school. However, I hope that you will enjoy and give your constructive criticism for my piece here. Thank you in advance, and for reading through this. Listen to the second arrangement of Legend of KAGE on kkcwkoh's channel, and keep repeating it, will you please?_

_Regards,  
_

_ -Bair  
_

_DISCLAIMER: Familiar of Zero [Zero no Tsukaima], as well as all of its characters, music, and locations are all the property of Noboru Yamaguchi.  
_

_And so, without further ado, let's start._

* * *

I'm standing in what looks like a courthouse, which may not seem all that intimidating. What is intimidating, however, is the sounds of torturous screams coming from behind the bench, the colossal size of the courtroom in general, and most of all, the entryway, which I would call magnificent if not for the pulsing red light that leaked through the cracks, the intense heat emanating from the door, and the sheer amount of force that seemed to lie behind. Not to mention the redhead reaper girl[1] presumably standing guard at the door, who may or may not be carrying a huge scythe.

So, sounds like I'm in hell, right? Or at least really close to it.

As my gaze wanders from the green-haired woman[1] who is lecturing me, I take in just how beautiful, and just how terrible this place really is. Despite its semblance to a courtroom, the gallery is extremely small, as if it could only accommodate a couple dozen people. The atmosphere is one of great gravity, as if it will influence the rest of my life- Wait a minute. I'm dead. Never mind that then. Oh yeah, about that, just two days ago, I was hit by a car in one of the greatest cities on Earth: Tokyo, Japan. But now, I'm apparently being judged by a diminutive green-haired judge whether I should go to hell or not. Sounds fun. And let me tell you, the highway to hell was ridiculously long, as well as the line. I mean, two days! But how about we move back to the present? But the physical atmosphere is even worse. There is an extreme sense of dryness in the air, as though the air itself is trying to drain me of all my moisture. The room is also unbearably hot, and it's rather hard to believe that out of the three in this room, I'm the only one who appears to be breaking a sweat. Neither the judge nor the reaper seem to show any discomfort at the heat, but I suspect that my own sweat is partially due to my severe nervousness at my impending judgment. I mean, it's a once in a lifeti- *Ahem* It's a once in a life-deathtime experience, right? Hmm... That just does not sound right. Anyways, let's get back to what is actually important: my judgment. As I tune my eyes and ears back onto the judge, her intimidating and strong voice, which for some reason does not match her small stature, once more bores into my ears, making me remember, or at least try my hardest to, every word of what she says. It's actually kind of annoying. Let's turn away from that for a second. To help distract myself from the harsh lecture I'm receiving, I pretend to fix my clothes, which is a simple black and white kimono that I found on myself when I woke up in hell. I wonder who dressed me, and how though...?

***Cough***

Anyways, now might be a ripe time for introductions, I believe. My name is Enjun no Keiji, and I am- Used to be, rather, a student at a small high school located in Tokyo, whose name I believe to be unimportant. While I'm still getting over the fact that I died, I was sixteen when that damn car hit me. I would consider myself to be a, erm, multifaceted human being. I can be incredibly different to different people in different situations. One of my hobbies is languages. I'm obviously fluent in Japanese, as well as Mandarin Chinese. I consider myself proficient in English, French, and Swedish. Thought it's doubtful that any of those will help in hell. Anyways, back on topic, something interesting that you might want to know is tha-

"Are you even listening to me?", the judge questions with a rather sinister tone. Oh, crap. But before I can formulate a response, she barges on anyways, not even waiting for poor old me. "Anyways, without further ado, after intensive review over your life, with good events and bad, I believe that the time is right to determine the quality of your soul, black or white."

Oh, double crap. Maybe I should've been listening. Then my judgment won't come as such a surprise. Starting to shake a little bit in fear, I strengthen my gaze to look the judge evenly in the eyes, as she takes a deep breath.

"Enjun no Keiji, with my power as the Supreme Judge of Paradise, I pronounce your soul to be-"

**BOOM**

And oh so rudely cutting off the judge, with a huge plume of smoke and a small but violent explosion, appears a human-sized, floating, pulsing, green portal. Looks wonderful. As if the atmosphere couldn't get more tense, the portal is apparently exerting even more of a forceful sense of pressure than the doors of hell, which is a little bit worrying, to say the least. And the only thing coming from the portal, excepting the smoke and light, of course, are these a few words, in a language that sounds uncannily like French, but isn't just quite. Still, I'm lucky I can understand it in the first place, though my grasp is rather shaky.

"Hear... Answer my summons... Come forth, my familiar!"

And with that last word, the portal seems to ripple, as the already small distance between me and the portal distort, as it suddenly pulls me in, in to a dark void where I immediately lose consciousness.

* * *

Now, I presume that it is understood that I am reluctant to open my eyes, as even though I am no longer in a burning, serious hell, I am lying on the ground feeling like my ribs were just recently broken, then rehealed, if that makes any sense at all. Seeing as the last time I opened my eyes, I was indeed in that hell, I really don't feel like it. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem as though I have a choice, as the sound of incessant and slightly annoying laughter is ringing my ears from all around. Damn it. At least the ground is comfortable, though the smoky air, presumably the same smoke as when hell exploded, isn't helping much either.

As I open my eyes, and refocus both my vision and hearing, I watch as the smoke clears around me to reveal a huge crowd, perhaps a hundred people, all forming a circle around me and either staring or laughing. Saying that they're making me feel self-conscious would be the understatement of the century. From what I can see through the still relatively hazy air, they all appear to be ranging from sixteen to eighteen years of age, with a few outliers. One of them is a balding man with glasses, a blue robe, and a huge staff about as tall as him. I would reckon that he's a teacher figure of sorts to the others here, who, speaking of which, are **still **staring at me. And not just staring.

"Who could that be?"

"Is it a commoner?"

"Typical Zero Louise, summoning a commoner?"

"He's nothing special at all!"

"Look at his clothes. Surely he's a commoner."

Yes, interspersed with all the laughter comes a slurry of questions and what can be considered insults, all asked and said in that same French-ish language, though the insults don't seem to be directed at me. Rather, as I follow the gaze of several people, my eyes land on a small looking girl with pink hair. She, like every other person here, excepting me, is wearing a long sleeved button-up white shirt, as well as a long black robe and a matching black skirt. Not to mention the fact that she looks absolutely burning with rage, and I have a bad feeling about who that rage is directed at.

And my heart stops as she turns to me, her eyes still alight with anger.

"Who are you?" She asks, teeth gritted and with a tone that perfectly matches her burning eyes. Something tells me that I should probably listen to this girl for now. Well, I hope that my moderate knowledge of French can get me through this.

"...My name is Enjin no Keiji. It's a pleasure..." I manage to say, after a pause of recollection. Hopefully it's understandable. I think I got it right and didn't mangle it too bad... Damn my lack of French lessons.

"Well, Anjino." Well. Close enough. "You should consider yourself lucky. For you, commoner, you have been gifted by the chance to become my familiar", she says with a short sigh.  
And with that, she kneels herself to my left and raises what looks like a wand in front of her... Okay? Don't know precisely what's going on here. Best to stay silent. And I do just that as she continues.

"My name is Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière", she begins. Huh, long name. Fancy too. Going to have to remember that. "To the pentagon that holds the five powers, bless this one and yield him as my Familiar..." she continues her chanting, as I continue laying down, unsure at what the outcome could be.

And suddenly, Louise moves her head closer to mine and kisses me right on the lips.

"..."

"..."

Um, excuse me? I begin to feel a little bit of warmth rise to my cheeks, as Louise quickly pulls away from me and stands.

"The ritual is complete, Mr. Colbert", she says, directing her statement to Prof. Baldy, who happened to be just a few feet behind me.

"Congratulations, Miss Vallière. The contract will indeed be complete shortly." Colbert says, only serving to confuse me even more. What contra-

All of a sudden, a searing pain hits my right forearm. The abruptness and severity of the pain stuns me for a second, and causes my to fall back onto, well, my back. I quickly grab my forearm to see a set of foreign symbols slowly engrave themselves down my arm. Once the pain subsides, I begin to pick my self off the ground, slowly though, as I am unsure if any more pain or divine wrath will be brought down upon me.

"_What... the hell... was that!?_", I ask in a daze, then quickly facepalm. I spoke in Japanese again, damnit, I realize as several people are now looking at me with curious eyes.

"Apologies, for my outburst there. And you may or may not have mangled my name a while past. You can call me Keiji, or just Kei", I mutter, as I fully stand up and try to dust my kimono off. It is now that I am fully aware just how many people are staring at me, and even more unnerving: the complete silence of them all. Great. I feel self-conscious. Again. Thanks, y'all. But as I take a step forwards, a small object falls from the folds of my kimono. As I bend down to pick it up, I see exactly what it is. A faintly polished, square, bronze pocketwatch, attached on the end of a small chain. I pick it up in order to examine it closer. On the back, there is a stylized symbol that seems to be resonating a faint golden glow. The whole pocketwatch feels rather warm, and familiar in my hands. It gives me a feeling of security. How nice, I think, as I put the chain around my neck, then suddenly flinch, as as soon as the pocketwatch hits my chest, the symbols on my forearm spike in pain. What could that have been? I shake my head. Not the time to think about it. Now, back to business.

"Explanation, please?" ...I wish I could have said that in a more wordy manner. Though it looks like I'm getting my point across, as Mr. Colbert steps forwards, presumably to answer.

"You, young commoner, have just been summoned by Miss Vallière here to be her familiar. Those runes that are on your forearm, they are what signifies you as a familiar. Though I must say, I've never seen those precise runes before..." Colbert explains, lapsing into deep thought after finishing his statement.

"...Dismissed yet?" I ask, prompting Colbert to leave behind his train of thought.

"Ah! Right. You are all dismissed." He exclaims, still retaining his curious and thoughtful look. "Though mister... Anjine, was it? May I take a look, and possibly record, your familiar runes?" He asks, with the same intense curiosity.

"Close enough. And yes." I mumble, unsure why he wants to examine the writing. I mean, it can't be that different from any other rune that he saw before, right? And so, I extend my right arm to him, allowing him to record the writing, as most of the students file off the grass and into a nearby building. Meanwhile, Louise is standing just a few feet off to the side, tapping her foot and looking quite annoyed. I wonder why? Ah well, it doesn't matter now~

* * *

"..."

"..."

Well, what I can say now is that this is awkward. Louise, without saying a single word, just marched me up to her room. I thought naught of it at the time, but when we entered the room, all that changed. I opened the door to find... A huge queen bed taking up a majority of the room, a dresser presumably full of Louise's clothing, and a small table with a candle on it next to the door... Not to mention the pile of hay down on the floor to the side of the bed. Judging by the lack of other furnishings, I presume that that's where I'm sleeping. Fun.

"Right then. You. Familiar. What's your name?" Wow. Is it really that hard to forget my name? Sad. Might just be how hard it is for francophones to pronounce my name. I suppose Kei can suffice...

"Thought I told you. If not, my name is Enjin no Keiji. Just Kei is fine though." I reply, short and sweet.

"Well, Kei, that is an unusual name of yours. And tell me, why do you speak so little? You are in the presence of nobility, and as such, I expect you to show your utmost respect to me." She says, leaving me to ponder. What exactly is the difference between a commoner and a noble? And I can't say that I like her tone. It's kind of grating... Oh wait, she's waiting for an answer, isn't she? Better not delay too long. Don't wanna provoke her. Seems a little short-fused

"Not first language. Not very skilled." I comment, hoping that it suffices.

"Well, we'll have to remedy that, won't we?" She asks with a slightly evil grin as she pulls out her wand. Just slightly evil. I shut my eyes and tune out my ears to prepare for whatever comes next.

**BOOM**

"_Ah. Aha. That. Was not comfortable. You could have toned it down a notch_" I manage to eke out, stunned by the sheer ferocity and power of the explosion. Wait, I spoke in Japanese again, didn't I? *Sigh* "Apologies for once more speaking in my primary tongue." I say. I'd better remember next time. It's just so hard speaking in a foreign language for such a long period of time. But why's Louise looking at me strangely?

"...Well, it seems to have worked, as I did understand that. And I can't really control my power. You should thank me, commoner. Because now, we can communicate without any barrier." She says, with that tone of haughtiness and superiority that I just don't appreciate. *Sigh* Oh well. At least I don't have to care about language breaks anymore.

"...I think I'm going for a walk. I'm going to need some time to digest what just happened." I comment, earning a small glare from Louise.

"If you're going out, then don't forget to take these with you! And make sure they're clean." She exclaims as she practically throws me a bag of presumably her clothing, prompting me to narrow my eyes. Seriously? Is _this_ what I'm going to be stuck doing?

"So, I'm supposed to go wash these things?" I ask as I peer inside the bag to find another of the uniform she's currently wearing, as well as some undergarments. _**Definitely**_ sounds like my kind of job... Sarcasm, if anyone's too dense to tell.

"Aren't you my familiar? It's your duty to wash, clean, and to do other mundane chores. And don't forget, when you return, I expect you to have my clothes prepared for the morning." She says, with a rather sharp tone that kinda cuts my ears. I flinch not only at the tone, but also at the words. Seriously? I was summoned here, saved from death, to be a _slave_? I'm grateful and all, but a _**slave**_?

"...I suppose... that is my duty." I manage to eke out, before I abruptly turn and walk straight out the door.

* * *

Surprisingly, despite my lack of experience with manual labor, I managed to get the washing done extremely quickly, if not perfectly clean. However, the next morning, or just this morning, is the hard part. I awoke at the crack of dawn, only to see Louise comfortably situated in the folds of her sheets.

"Wake up."

"..."

"Um... Please wake up?"

"..."

Since this had been going on for almost ten minutes, I hope that it's understandable to see that I was getting a **little **upset. *Sigh* Time to switch strategies.  
I hope this works without getting me killed, though I'm almost positive that it'll get her up in an instant.

"**WAKE UP! ZERO LOUISE!**" I roared at the top of the lungs, using what is presumably a derogatory nickname that I heard the day of my summoning. Huh. With the sound I made with that yell, I'd be surprised if I didn't wake anyone else up as well. Speaking of which, is she even awa-

"SHADDUP!"

**SMACK!**

Was the sound made when Louise's fist collided with my forehead to leave a rather sizable bruise. Well... I can definitely say that... that was effective. If not for its... unfortunate repercussions for me. I shake my head softly to try to clear up my vision, which didn't serve much purpose except to make my head hurt even worse. Damn. That girl packs a punch. Back to business though. I can see Louise is once again glaring at me with undisguised hatred.

"What the **hell** was that for, commoner?" She shouts, emitting an evil aura that makes me flinch even more. Ararara~, maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all.

"I've been trying to get you up for at least ten minutes. So as such, I decided to take a more direct route to wake you up. I am pleased to see that it worked, although it seems that you don't reciprocate those thoughts. And I'd appreciate Keiji or Kei, not commoner or familiar." I say as calmly as possible, trying to defuse the situation as best as possible.

"Damn straight I don't reciprocate those thoughts. Of all the people in Halkegenia, you, my familiar, are supposed to be the one who respects me most! And to think that you would go with those rude others that show no respect to me, that all put me down for HAVING A SUCCESS RATE OF ZERO!" She replies, yelling by the end. I flinched yet again. Defuse the situation, eh? That certainly didn't work. I actually don't know how to respond.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well? Don't just stand there, Kei. Help me get dressed!" She says in a slightly softer tone, but one that still drips with her utter contempt for me. Ouch. But wait a minute. What was that?

"H-help you get-" I start, only to be oh so rudely interrupted by Louise.

"Of course! When there's a servant present, nobles will never dress themselves!" She exclaims, as if it's common knowledge. Oh wait, it probably is around here. But that statement, the servant one? I will not tolerate that.

"Wait a minute. You summoned me here, as your oh-so-**loyal** familiar, only for me to be a servant to act on your every whim? If so, then I will not tolerate this job!" I exclaim. I'll admit it, I might have taken it a bit far, as she hasn't really ordered me on her every whim yet, but still. Better safe then sorry.

"Well isn't that too bad for you? The only way to break the familiar contract is for either one of us to die." She responds, with a smug grin on her face, as if she had just won the argument right there. You know what? That is actually getting me a little bit upset. I'm sorry, but death is **kind of **a touchy subject for me. Just kind of. But it's getting me upset enough that I blurt out something that I shouldn't ever say without thinking beforehand.

"Well, that can be arranged. Death isn't too bad. True story. Been there, done that. All that jazz. At least I got reincarnated." I mention, with the air of someone commenting on the weather.

"Wait what? You mean you've-" She replies uncertainly, as her death argument is crumbling. Wait a minute.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. I did not mean to say that. I mean, I don't suppose it's a good idea to let everyone know that I'm- I was dead. I can't **imagine** how anyone else would react!

"Um... You know what, let's try to pretend that didn't happen, and that I didn't say that. Please, **never **say what I just said to any person else." I say, clenching my teeth at the end. Stupid, stupid me. Why would I let on that fact? "Now, let's get you dressed, shall we?" I ask, to change the topic away to anything else.

"But-" She starts, but I'm on to her.

"No. Get. Dressed. Now." I say, one word per breath, putting as much pressure and emphasis on my words as possible. And that, surprisingly, seemed to work.

"O-okay." Louise says, much more subdued. Good. Now I hope she won't let the news of my death and reincarnation on anyplace else.

"..."

"..."

And so, in sweet, sweet, silence, I help Louise get dressed for the day.

After a few minutes of me learning just how difficult putting clothes on another person, old-fashioned clothes to boot, is, I finally finish my job with a sigh of relief.

"Well then, to breakfast, I suppose?" I offer, seeing how Louise is **still **not saying a word.

"..." Damn. This is annoying. I hope I didn't break her.

* * *

_Well, that's all for now, folks. I hope you enjoyed, but given my history of writing... Probably not. Regardless, if you enjoyed, drop a review, maybe favorite it. Perhaps a follow. All would make me happy. Cause if you read this far, there's no excuse not to, right? Or don't. Either way is fine. _

_[1] Taken from another series. Not name directly by name. I hope someone figures out who they are.  
_

_Well then. I hope you enjoy your day. And another thing, if you're still reading. I appreciate reviews that take more than five seconds to write, so please, don't just give one word or sentence reviews. Thanks in advance. Again, constructive criticism is. Always. The. Best. More will come whenever I feel like writing next~_

_Regards,_

_~Bair  
_


	2. Newton's Second Law of Motion!

_Cue Music: リジッドパラダイス ~ Dawn of the Dead by Demetori_

_HWA-TCHA! BACK FROM THE DEAD! :D_

_Hello again~_

_I'm back, and it's been a while. Apologies. I've had a rather hectic time lately, though my age may make some of you question my excuses. Nevertheless, I'm back... For now. Now, to address some concerns. First off, Kei is not the Gandalfr. Just needed to get that out of the way, in case nobody could take the multiple hints. Second, I'd like for people to leave a review, just so I can improve my writing if anything. Even the wording here is awful. Ugh. But if there is one thing I pride myself on, it's my somewhat skilled grasp of the English language, or at least its spelling and grammar.  
_

_Regards,  
_

_~Bair  
_

_DISCLAIMER: __Familiar of Zero [Zero no Tsukaima], as well as all of its characters, music, and locations are all the property of Noboru Yamaguchi._  


_So, let's continue~_

_Ah! Wait! Re-reviews! How could I forget!  
_

_** uub **As I explained above, I am indeed fully aware. Thank you very much for pointing it out, though. I appreciate the review and the support~  
_

_** OrezLanrete **Congratulations! You don't win anything, but a very nice job on getting it right. Thanks though! And I hope you enjoyed~  
_

_** MySadistChibi** Um. That's a very interesting name you have there. Hehe. Regardless, I'm glad you enjoyed. And I am saying this now. I am an absolutely awful person when it comes to update scheduling. Hopefully my next chapter won't take this long~  
_

* * *

**Chapter 2: I Fight a Pastry, or F=ma**

_Cue Music: __Gensokyo, Past and Present~ Flower Land: Remixed by Aojiru_

As it turns out, I didn't break Louise. I found that out the hard way, as when we arrived at the dining hall, I , being the sensible and rather **human **person I am, attempted to sit in a chair off one of the huge and supremely fancy tables next to good old Master Louise.

Well apparently, I'm not supposed to do that.

Or at least, that was the message I got after being shouted at, shoved around a bit, and had every person in the dining halls' eyes on me. All done by one diminutive pink-haired girl. I suppose all I can ask is what the bloody fucking hell did I do to solicit that reaction? *Sigh* Oh well.

Though I will admit, the rest of the day went without much fanfare or drama, with the exception of constant needling against Louise. I wonder just how bad she is at magic...? Didn't she say something about not being able to control her own power or something? I shake my head. I suppose I have better stuff to do right now, but heaven's help me in that I don't know exactly **what**. Speaking of which, where are we going now?

"Ah. Louise. Where are we going? Don't you have classes?" I ask simply, still unsure whether she has cooled down or not. Hopefully...

"No, there's no classes today for second years. We're having a sort of session to bond with the familiars that we summoned." She says. Oh, maybe she did calm down a bit... "Though I do wonder how they would ever expect me to bond with a commoner like you..." Or not.

"..."

"..."

And so the rest of the walk continues in silence, until we reach the courtyard.

"Well," I comment. "This place is fancy." And indeed it was. There was an obvious air of grandiosity, as well as the sense that this courtyard is a clean, beautiful place, well kept after. Which, I suppose, it is, seeing all the maids and waiters walking around serving all the students. Louise and I take two seats across each other at a small white table on the grass.

"Well then." I start, in a calm voice. "I suppose that we have a lot to talk about, don't we, Master Louise?" I ask, with a faint smile on my face.

"Yes, we do." She mutters with a deep breath. "Go. Go now. Get some tea." Apparently, she is still sore after breakfast. Sheesh. Or maybe she's embarrassed that she got lil' old me as a familiar instead of some of the more... interesting ones around me. I see a giant flaming-red lizard, an extremely overweight mole, and a sin of nature appearing to be a large floating purple ball... thing. With antennae sticking out the top and a large eye on the front, I'm not really sure what to classify it as. Now anyways, where could I get some tea? I wander around the courtyard when suddenly...

"Ah!" I shout as I feel myself walking into another body, which unfortunately for that other person, has less mass than myself, resulting in their self falling to the ground. Softly though, which is lucky. As I turn and lower my gaze to see who I accidentally pushed over, only to see a black-haired maid sprawled on the ground, with a small cake laying on the ground besides her. Oh dear.

"I'm very sorry." I say softly, as offer a hand to help her up.

"Oh, it's fine. No need to apologize." She replies with what can only be described as an angelic megawatt smile as she takes my hand. How nice~

"Ah, right." I mumble as I stoop down to pick up the piece of cake, which, luckily, doesn't seem to have sustained **too** much damage.

"Why thank you. Now, you wouldn't be the commoner who happened to become little Miss Vallière's familiar, would you?" She asks, with a small curious look on her face.

"Ah. Why yes I would be." I reply. And wait a minute, this is a good opportunity... "Would you happen to know exactly what a 'commoner' is, and why I'm always being called that?"

"Oh, it's really nothing offensive. It's just that commoners are people who are unable to use magic, and nobles are people who are. Simple as that." She answers. Well, that sure cleared things up.

"Well thank you very much for the explanation... But it looks like you may be running a little bit late. How about I take this cake to... Well, wherever it's supposed to go, and you can continue on. How about that? Oh, and by the way, my name is Kei." I offer, and introduce myself, with a faint smile forming on my face to show my sincerity.

"Ah! That would be very nice of you! Well, my name is Siesta, and if you're sure you want to help, then just walk over-" She begins, before being oh-so rudely interrupted.

"Is the cake **still **not ready yet?" Calls a rather rude male voice. Well, now I know where to go.

"Well then, Siesta. I don't think I need much more explanation. I guess you'd better be off then." I say dryly.

"T-thank you again, very much!" She says brightly, and walks off speedily. Better be off for my delivery then. I turn around to look at where the call came from to see... A young blond male with smooth yet tousled hair with what strikes me as a rather arrogant pose with beckoning eyes for me to come closer. Overall, he seems like the sort of haughty guy that I would dislike. This will go well. With a couple of small breaths, I walk over to him.

"Here you are, sir." I mumble softly, my eyes glancing over Mr. Blondie and his seating companion, a a blonde girl with a pretty large forehead and bright and curled pigtails. Aww, what a cute couple here.

"Took you long enough." He replies not so kindly as he glares at me. "Stupid commoners and their slow service." He mutters under his breath to the girl next to him, which I just **happened** to catch. Damn him.

"Guiche! Don't be so rude, I'm sure that they're all overworked." Says the forehead blonde next to him. She sure seems nicer. Huh, so what's his again? Quiche, was it? Correct me if I'm wrong, but he doesn't look the type of a savory pastry. Oh well.

"Well then, I'll be off, Mr. Quiche." I say with a grin on my face, laughing on the inside at his sudden reddening and suffering. "Later" I say as I walk off, not even waiting for his reply, which would've been equally humorous.

As I walk away, still wondering where I could find some tea, I walk near a rather out-of-place and confused looking brunette girl wearing, in contrast to all the black robe-clad students around me, a brown robe, and holding a small, covered ceramic ramekin in her hands. She's looking around and mumbling loud enough to be audible to her passersby. "Guiche...? Where could he be?" She sure seems out of place... Hehe, let me help out there. If all goes as intended, then Mr. Quiche will have a pleasant surprise~

"Oh. I believe that who you're looking for would be in that direction." I say with a slight grin, pointing towards Mr. Quiche. Well, this'll be fun, won't it. I follow slowly behind the girl as she approaches Quiche and Forehead.

"Guiche, what are you doing here? I made the soufflé we talked about last night!" She exclaims, earning Mr. Quiche a surprised look as well as a harsh glare from the blonde Forehead Girl. Step one, complete! Now to watch the carnage, hehehe...

"A-ah, thank you very much... I suppose that", Mr. Quiche starts, but was interrupted by a feral sounding voice to his front. Boy oh boy, Quiche is starting to falter, and is that sweat I see?

"Talked about? Last night?" Blonde growls.

"Why, yes... Well, the thing is-" He starts yet again, but is again interrupted. This time by the other brunette girl.

"Eh? Guiche, who is this you're sitting next to?", she asks. It's kinda funny to watch Quiche right now. I almost feel sorry for him. Time to hit the final nail on the coffin~

"Eh? You know, Mr. Quiche, that's it's bad etiquette, and not very nice in general, to cheat on girls you know, you little two-timer," I say to enter the conversation, while waggling my finger. Everybody in the vicinity's eyes suddenly lay to rest on me. Fufufu, let's have some fun.

"Wha- Commoner, you must be mistaken! There is no-" But suddenly, before he can finish his sentence, a hand- No, two open hands go flying through the air aimed straight at his face. And they sure as hell don't miss. I hear laughter coming from all around me, so I swing my gaze around. Well, seems that we, excuse me, **he**, attracted quite the crowd. How nice.

"Haha... Guiche just got dumped... Poor guy..." Phrases like these are being murmured all around me. The best part, I don't feel a single regret. I turn back with a smile at Mr. Quiche.

"Well well, Quiche-y, I hope you learned your lesson." I say, tilting my head with what hopefully is a viciously mocking smile. But knowing me, it probably isn't...

"You... You commoner. That's what you are, isn't it? It seems as though you are... Unaware of the proper etiquette towards nobles." He says, showing what seems to be a rather forced smile and a lot of teeth with it. Oh? Where's he going with this. I wonder... Though I wouldn't be surprised if there's some sort of forbidden protocol for commoners or anything like that.

"Oh yes, I'm unaware of any sort of etiquette. Care to enlighten me?" I reply with a good-natured smile. Oh, Mr. Quiche wants to play this game? I'm good at this game.

"Well then, if you are so unaware that you are unable to show the simplest respect to a noble, and that you can break the hearts of not one, but **two **girls without so much as an apology, then I, with heavy heart, challenge you to a duel." Mr. Quiche says, suddenly hushing our, ahem, audience.

"Ah, forgive me if I'm wrong, or if my hearing is but a _little_ bit off, but aren't _you_ the one who broke their hearts?" I queried, maintaining both my composure and my smile, while my words set off another round of laughter. "Regardless, I suppose I can accept your challenge to a duel. Not like I have much else to do here. What I do have to do isn't much better. So, let's get down to the details. Location, time, and we can get down to business, eh?" I continue.

"Well then, it appears that you are unwilling to change your ways. Vestri Court, within the hour. There, I can properly teach you the required etiquette towards we nobles." Says Mr. Quiche, as he walks off, presumably to his stated location.

"Well, that escalated quickly," I comment, and make off to follow Mr. Quiche. "But first off, would anyone kindly like to point me towards Vestri Court, or some tea?"

A couple of people off towards an exit from the courtyard. Others point towards a small table nearby, with steaming teapots and plates full of cookies. Both groups of people are helpful. And suddenly, a **very** **familiar **voice catches my attention, and I turn around to see.

"Kei! You absolute idiot! What were you thinking?" Shouts a rather upset looking Louise, walking towards me. Uh-oh.

"I was thinking that the wonderful Mr. Quiche needed a little lesson teaching, so I accepted his offer of a duel." I answered, tilting my head to the side and grinning slightly. Apparently, she doesn't like that.

"Do you honestly think that you, a mere commoner, can beat a noble mage in a duel?" She asks, trying to dissuade me from my decision. Hah, you can't drive me off **that **easily!

"Um, yeah." I comment, easily brushing off the attempt. I'm good with words, Louise, real good. But it seems that my answer only serves to make Louise even more irate. Shit.

"What? Wait just a second, don't you know- Ugh!" She attempts to get out before I hold up my hand, calm as ever.

"Ah ah ah, Master Louise. Not so fast. I know that I was the person who instigated the incident, so I must take the consequences, correct?" I answered, trying to reason with her.

"No! You don't understand! There is **no** chance a commoner like yourself can ever beat a mage in a duel!" She cried, not budging a step from her stance. Very well then.

"Oh? So you might say that my chances... Are zero? It seems, Master Louise, that you would know something about that. But let me tell you now, that regardless of what you tell me or what you say, I am going to follow through with what I started." I say, lips curling in a smirk, or, you might say... A trollface? The combined jab and my dogged remarks will probably-

"Fine! Fine then! Go get yourself killed, and see if I care," shouted Louise, before storming away. Yep.

"Alright then, now that that's settled, would anyone kindly help me get to, what was it, Vestri Court?" I ask, smiling slightly. Ah, a volunteer! Someone actually raised their hand! "M'thanks," I say, beginning to follow the slightly timid looking boy that offered his directional services. At least he's nice enough...

* * *

From what I'm seeing right now, Vestri Court is a nice, shaded courtyard. Smaller and much more modest than some... Other buildings here. It seems like the perfect place for some peace, quiet, and isolation. Maybe read a book or take a small nap or something of that sort. That is, unless you have a huge crowd surrounding you only to watch you get your ass kicked by a magician. That's my situation right now, and I don't know if I should be laughing or crying.

"Ladies and gentlemen," an obnoxious cry sounded throughout the courtyard. "It is a duel! A duel for me to teach this commoner the proper etiquette for his disrespectful self towards a noble such as myself!" With this final statement, Mr. Quiche reaches into a pocket and pulls out a crimson red rose.

"First off-" Starts Mr. Quiche before I cut him off.

"Cut the crap, Quiche-y. Can we just get this over with," I say with a sigh. This guy is kinda annoying. No, scratch that, he's really annoying.

"Ah, so ready to meet your defeat? Very well, though let me warn you that my runic name is Guiche the "Bronze". And as such, the bronze golem, Valkyrie, shall be your opponent," says Mr. Quiche, as with a flourish of his arm, he sends a rose petal flying to the ground. Hm? What would that-

**BOOM**

Oh fuck. In front of me stands, in the middle of a small cloud of dust, stands what appears to be a rather solid suit of armor, complete with hollow eyes and ornate engravings. And what's better? It moves. Shit.

And then it begins to rush at me, albeit slowly, one arm extended out to catch me with a punch. Damn, that thing sure is fast! But if I can time it ri- "STOP!" came a shout. And with it, Mr. Quiche turns to look at the direction of the shout, leading his golem to falter in its step and slow, and eventually stop. And there, standing a small ways away from him... God damn it.

"_Sigh_. I thought we already established that you didn't care quite what happened to me?" I asked, smiling slightly. "Don't bother saying anything though, Louise. Turning back now would be a huge waste of time, wouldn't you agree, Mr. Quiche?" I point out, turning to Quiche-y and tilting my head.

He sighed as well. Hmph. "What he says is true, Louise. I cannot turn back from teaching him the proper etiquette towards nobles such as ourselves, and to show him the punishment for such insubordination," replies Mr. Quiche, turning his own smile towards Louise. "Now, shall we begin?" He asks, turning back to me.

"Nope."

"Wait wha-?" starts Quiche-y, visibly shocked at my sudden deadpan response. "Are you yiel-"

"Nope," I say, cutting in with a good-natured smile.

"Then what do you mean?" asks Mr. Quiche, eyes narrowed and face tilted in confusion.

"You give me a weapon, right now." I ask, smiling even wilder.

"Why should I? Your insubordination should not be rewarded as such."

"Think about it. If you, an oh-so powerful and elitely magical noble, absolutely bloody curbstomps a lowly and weak commoner like me, what would **that** do to your precious prestige and reputation? Tell me that, Mr. Quiche?"

"Urk!" is the only thing Quiche-y can say, realizing the truth of my statement. I reply no further than to give him a slight tilt of the head, beckoning further... Fufufu. Come at me, bro. "Very well then, in order to increase my glory further by defeating an **armed **commoner, I shall give you a weapon."

...Jesus, this guy has an ego bigger than anyone else I've ever seen. His diction ain't helping either.

And so, Guiche, with another wave of his arm, directly sporting a red rose now, sends off another petal, towards me now. But this time, instead of transforming into one of them bronze beasts, it turns into a...

"..."

"..."

"...Well, I suppose I can work with this," I say, grimacing slightly. To show his eternal kindness and gratefulness, Mr. Quiche spawned a set of bra- excuse me, **bronze** knuckles. No range, not much of an edge, and I highly doubt that this would be **too **effective against his bronze golems. "Ah well, don't really matter too much. Shall we continue?" I ask Quiche-y, not really too happy about his "gift".

"Very well."

"Then let's get it on, shall we? Your generosity is unfailing."

* * *

_Cue Music: Wild Moon ~ Remix of 夜が降りてくる ~ Evening Star by Godspeed_

I sigh as I pick up the bronze knuckles and put them on. Well at least he made them relatively comfortable. Though as soon as I get my weapons of mass destruction situated on my, well, knuckles, the runes on my right arm glows... Black? Well that's a paradox if I ever saw one, something glowing a dark col-

**BOOM**

"Shit!" I loudly curse as I jump to the rear, narrowly missing a huge punch from the golem hitting the ground, forgetting what's actually happening at this time. I tend to-

**WHOOSH**

And that goes another punch, yet again narrowly missing. I can't keep dodging though. I have to take the offensive sometime though. Let's see if I can get an opportunity... Maybe when it goes to hit the ground again, I can go for the hit.

And yes! There he, or it, goes! Here we go! **FALCON PAWN-**

**CLANK**

Shit. The golem, moving much faster than I expected, moves its other arm to grab my own before the punch connects. Like I said, shit. The golem slowly starts to lift its second arm out of the ground, and I'm acutely aware of some gasps coming from our... "audience". Well fuck you, and thank you for watching~

Well, nothing much to do now than to wait for my inevitable fate.

_Tick, tick, tick._

The golem's arm is taking an excruciatingly long time though, isn't it?

_Tick, tick,_ tick.

I become acutely aware of the slightly annoying ticking of my pocketwatch, as well as the warmth that it is giving off against my chest.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

And with that, I also become aware that the watch ticks, as well as the golem's arm, now fully raised and initiating the punch, are slowing down... Dafuq?

_Tick... Tick... Tick..._

The golem has now slowed to almost a full halt. Well, better to take my opportunity when it presents itself, though I still don't know what's going on.

_Tick... Tick... Tick..._

The golem released my arm, and its other arm is now merely.

Inches.

From.

My.

Face.

_Tick._

I wrench my arm out of its reach, and jump back a little. Though the golem is moving extremely slowly, I can see that it hasn't reached a complete stop yet. Well, don't know when this little time lapse will end. Better make use of it.

And so, pulling my arm back, I push it back for another punch. One that I sincerely hope will connect, given my current advantage.

_Tick._

If it doesn't, that would bring great dishonor and shame to family.

_Tick._

All in jest, of course.

_Tick._

But lo and behold, looks as though time is speeding back up.

_Tick._

Well, here goes nothing. Line up the shot... And wha-pow!

**BOOM**

"..."

Um.

_Tick._

Well.

_Tick._

Good effect on target?

_Tick._

I guess...

Rather than a short, glancing blow like I expected, my landed hit reacted with a huge bang, and sent a resulting shockwave up my arm, and presumably through the golem, as the bronze beast flew backwards a fair amount more than I think my relatively weak arms would've hit it.

_Tick._

Not that I'm complaining, of course. It did seem to be a very effective blow, especially considering its trajectory.

_Tick... Tick..._

A trajectory that lines the bronze beast with its pastry master, Mr. Quiche.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

If I weren't seeing it with my own eyes, I'd reckon this as one of those cliched lucky events that happen to all those wonderful protagonists of books and games.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

I wonder where I'm getting that feeling though, from. Well, doesn't look like I'll be needing these bronze knuckles now. Might as well take 'em off.

"Ugh!" Comes a rather loud, effeminate scream ahead of me.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

Oh, right. It did hit Mr. Quiche. And with a pretty satisfying crunch too.

"Yep, good effect on target," I comment, glancing around and walking over to Quiche-y. Hmm. Hopefully he's alright~

I take a short amount of time to notice that the courtyard around me is deathly quiet, and that there are quite a few pairs of eyes pointed at me. But I ignore it as much as I can while I walk up to Mr. Quiche and crouch down next to him. I prod at his side and chest a few times, and confirming the fact that he is unconscious, stand back up and turn to our... Audience.

I give them a small grin. "Well, when he wakes back up, whenever that is, would anyone mind telling him that I want to have some tea with him?" I ask, looking around. "Along with my Master, of course," I quickly add, glancing quickly at Louise, still standing within the crowd.

**...**

My reasoning? I don't need reasoning for having tea with someone!

**...**

Weeell. I kinda want to get to know this Guiche kid better. He's the only one that's performed a **great **feat of magic (relatively speaking, of course) so far. And it was hella interesting! If not particularly impressive. But I really can't wait.

And with no further ado, I simply walk off the premises.

"..."

"..."

And I wonder where I can get some tea~

* * *

_Sorry. Again._

_Well, see you next time, whenever that is, and as always, I hope you enjoy your day. Please drop a review that helps me help you help me with a good constructive review. And sorry for the subpar quality of my writing. I write music and code better than I write prose and poetry (excepting modern, abstract poetry, of course~). I interact with computers better than I do with humans! Hehehe~_

_Regards,_

_~Bair_


End file.
